Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Guns of the Patriots

OK.  We get it. 

Aaron Hernandez probably (definitely) killed a dude.  That's terrible.  I feel for the dead guy's family.

But holy shit, am I tired of hearing about it. 

ESPN might as well start another channel to cover all of the riveting new developments in this star studded case.  Did you know that Bill Belichick doesn't approve of murder?  Fucking fascinating.  Also, the Patriots might be emotionless cyborgs, but they apparently don't want their brand associated with assholes from Florida.

Whoops, never mind.

And that's the other thing.  Why the hell do we need to know every single sponsor that's dropped Hernandez?  I'm sure we all assumed very few companies (with the exception of possibly AT&T) were pro homicide, but thanks for letting me know Hernandez won't be featured in any shitty stickers this year.  I heard his Fat Head's only being sold to fucking hipsters who think it's ironic, too.

The bottom line to all of this, of course, is that one man is regrettably dead while another has ruined his life with a staggeringly bad choice.  But hopefully there'll be something else to talk about soon.  Maybe Brett Favre can text a picture of his dick to Tiger Woods.

Either way, the Patriots now have no chance at a decent tight end this year.  Which is, of course, my way of saying they're going to get their asses drilled this season by the Falcons in Atlanta.

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